Lyrics: Amateur Transplants. Northern Birds.

Hello, my name's Adam Kay
And my name's Sumin Biswas.
We are amateur transplants.
This is a public service announcement for all men.

If you go to Bolton,
If you go to Manchester or Crewe,
Newcastle or Scarborough,
York or Scunthorpe,
Bradford,
Barnsley too
Or Grimsby
Listen up to what we have to say
Northern birds
Are lazy, ugly whores who
Smell of burgers.
So don't have too much to drink
Or you might fuck one
And end up getting AIDs.

There's nothing fun
To be found up the M1.
Northern birds are lower class slags
Who take it up the arse.

They're in the sack
After one cider and black.
But they're fucking awful rides
And your dick won't touch the sides.

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Northern birds

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If you really have to
Go up North then follow our advice
Fight away the women
Or you'll find yourself with pubic lice
And herpes.

You're much better staying in the South.
Northern birds
Are desparate ugly hippos
Dressed in burberry
With a peanut for a brain
And an accent that makes you want to die.

Now you've been warned
They're all physically deformed.
Northern birds are all obese
And they're riddled with disease

Try to escape
Northern sex is worse than rape.
Stay down South
And mark my words
Steer well clear of Northern birds.

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Northern birds