Lyrics: Soundtrack Artists. Mother Darling.

[Edie](spoken)
Mother darling, what's this?

[Edith](spoken)
Oh, dear. You weren't supposed to see that. That was meant to be a surprise-

[Edie](spoken)
"Toyland"? "Itty Bitty Geisha"? "The Gypsy Pasodoble"?

[Edith](spoken)
Just a few popular favorites.

[Edie](spoken)
You're planning to sing?

[Edith](spoken)
Well it isn't a party without music.

[Edie](spoken)
But Mother darling.

[Edith](spoken)
Gould and I have been slaving away like a couple of Phoenicians.

[Edie](spoken)
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight... nine?

[Edith](spoken)
Not counting encores.

[Edie]
Mother darling...
Dearest mother darling
I am honored more than I can say
By this wondrous, truly
Verging on unduly
Heartfelt motherly display.
And you know how much I love your singing
As I've said so many times before...
Every Christmas time...
Every christening...
Ever time that you sing
I'm the first to shout "Encore!"
But... Mother darling,
Let a daughter have her day!
It's a day for me...
And all of us to shine
Though your "Apache Maiden Serenade" is too divine,
The parents of the groom
Are just a wee bit formal.
Help them think that we are normal.
Mother darling,
Sing a little song - not nine.

[Edith](spoken)
"How sharper than a serpent's tooth..."

[Edie](spoken)
Please, mother darling-

[Edith](spoken)
Well, who knows if there'll be another party? Why everyone's leaving; it's your mother's swan song!

(sung)
Edie, cupcake...
Mama's precious treasure...
I am slightly mystified to learn
Of your sudden, urgent
Dare I say insurgent
Dearth of daughterly concern...

[Edie](spoken)
But...

[Edith]
For you know how Gould and I adore you-

[Edie](spoken)
Yes...

[Edith]
And rehearsed for weeks on your behalf.

[Edie]
Madame Butterfly. Tosca's aria.

[Edith](spoken)
It's my best!

[Edie]
Let it rest! I'll just die if people laugh!

[Edith](spoken)
Laugh?

[Edie](spoken)(overlapping)
Decorum, Mother, that's all I ask! The best singers - the real professionals all know when to cede the stage! When she
doesn't get exactly what she wants, she positively spits venom! It's true! You'll say anything to garner attention, anything
to be dramatic-

[Edith](spoken)(overlapping)
Decorum? Oh, that's rich! You're a fine one to lecture me about propriety! Do you remember when the head-mistress called me
because you were wearing lipstick to school? "Temptation Red!" - And only at thirteen - I can tell you-

[Gould](spoken)
Ladies-

[Edith]

Gould-

[Edie]
Mother-

[Gould]
Please!

[Edith & Edie]
Let me get one word in!

[Gould]
I'm surprised by both of you today-

[Edith]
Both of you are way out of line.

[Gould]
-And this bossy, bratty-

[Edith & Edie]
"Bratty"?

[Gould]
-Bordering on catty most unladylike melee.

[Edie]
Whose engagement is this, anyway?

[Gould & Edith]
After months and months of preparation-

[Gould]
-You would think the program was resolved.

[Edith](spoken)
So ungrateful!

[Edie]
"Gypsy Rhapsody"!

[Edith](spoken)
Not the rhapsody!

[Edie]
"Venice Barcarolle"!

[Edith]
Not my barcarolle!

[Edie]
This is out of control!
Tell her, dear.

[Joe]
Don't get me involved here.

[Edie]
Mother, darling-

[Edith]
Edie, sweetheart-

[Gould]
Talking to the wall...!

[Edie]
Let's let daddy referee!

[Edith]
Darling daddy, where is he?

[Gould]
Not where he should be!

[All]
It's a day for me...
And all of us to shine!

[Gould]
Might I suggest a compromise
Is very much in line.

[Edie]
With moonlight on the waves,
Forsythia in flower...
Save Puccini for the shower.

[Edith]
Edie, angel.
Mother will sing eight... not nine.

[Edie](spoken)
Fine.

[Edith](spoken)
Fine?

[Gould](spoken)
Fine.

[Edith, Edie, & Gould](spoken)
Fine.