Lyrics: Richard Thompson. Psycho Street.

A man sits down to write a letter, but instead he writes a book
The book begins -
Dear Sir, I don't if you're interested but you're wife is a whore

A man gets on a train and proceeds to take all his clothes off
He begins to play with himself, and he says
"In my country, this is definitely not offensive"

A man pours petrol through his neighbour's letterbox
And throws in a match
The house is engulfed in flames
As the neighbours jump from the upstairs window
He films the whole thing on video
He plays it back to them later in hospital
"Things have been pretty dull at home without you" he says

A man pushes a lawn mower two hundred miles on his knees
To the tomb of the unknown gardener
"Great one" he cries "I've done my penance. I bring my offering.
Grant me, grant me, grant me, pest-free roses"

Psycho Street, friendly people down on Psycho Street
Good neighbours down on Psycho Street
And if you need a hand, need a friend, we understand
And if you need a pal, we'll be there, anyhow
Psycho Street, Psycho Street, Psycho Street

A man stakes his neighbour's cat to the barbecue and turns on the gas
"Now are you going to talk" he says
"Or am I going to have to get nasty?"

A man has an inflatable doll made
That looks exactly like his wife
He murders his wife, dissolves her body in acid
And marries the doll
Three years later, he leaves her for another doll

A man hands his son a brick and says
"Son, throw this brick through the greenhouse next door"
The boy does
The boy next door throws one back
It hits the man on the head and mortally wounds him
"Ah well" he says, as his life blood trickles away
"Boys will be boys"

A thoughtful woman sends her best friend a parcel
Inside, it says, is a free sample, full body beauty treatment
But really it contains acids and chemicals
When her friend tries it, her hair falls out,
Her face is wrinkled and her body scarred
The thoughtful woman turns to her husband and winks
And says "Pre-emptive strike"

Psycho Street, friendly people down on Psycho Street
Good neighbours down on Psycho Street
If you need a hand, need a friend, we understand
And if you need a pal, we'll be there, anyhow
Oh Psycho Street, Psycho Street, Psycho Street
Psycho Street, Psycho Street, Psycho Street