Lyrics: Aimee Mann. Whatever. Jacob Marley's Chain.

Well, today a friend told me this sorry tale
As he stood there trembling and turning pale
He said each day's harder to get on the scale sort of like Jacob Marley's chain.

But it's not like life's such a veil of tears
It's just full of thoughts that act as souvenirs
For those tiny blunders made in yesteryears that comprise Jacob Marley's chain.

Well, I had a little metaphor to state my case
It encompassed the condition of the human race
But to my dismay, it left without a trace except for the sound of Jacob Marley's chain.

Now there is no story left to tell
So I think I'd rather just go on to Hell
Where there's a snowball's chance that the personnel might help
To carry Jacob Marley's chain.