Lyrics: Madness. Absolutely. Close Escape.

That was a close escape, have to get a new hobby to relate
Something less conspicuous, won't take up too much time
Something less energetic for what I've got in mind
I won't be too persistent 'cause I'm not that way inclined

See, that's the one for me, look under 'Collins', see if she's free
Sweaty fingers find 5P 4151683
"Hello Miss Collins, you'll not know me
I'm in the undies business, see?
Please, please can you tell me the size, how far from the knee?"

Oh dear, dear, me luck is running thin
I'll take another name, I might have a win
What? 2 more points? I hope no one fills it in

See, that's the one for me, look under 'Dickens' CFG
See if she'll speak to me, hand's get shaky, eye's can't see
Having trouble find 5P 2171983
"Hello Miss Dickens, you'll not know me
I'm in the undies business, see?"

Feel more relaxed now, here we go again
Hoi, no temporaries, I've heard most take me in

Oh dear, dear me, that is the one it fits
So please, please can you tell me the textured fit feels good to me
In the naked mood, try to grin and bear with me
Please don't think me rude, I only hear, don't want to see

See, that's the one for me, that was quick, too quick for me
Of that I can see, wash me laundry, oh, bugger me
Sugar or milk in your tea? No, I couldn't, well, I'll see
What's your hobby? Just the same as me, see you soon for tea

I'll give it one last chance, I think you'll all agree
I'm getting no time here, on my last 5P
I'm sick of waiting for ages, nothing interests me

I'll ring another number, make sure it's a she
Here we go again, I'll give it 3rd degree
No hard feelings, oh yes, I'm sure you'll all agree
I'll take another name, I might have a win