Lyrics: Chet Atkins & Les Paul. Guitar Monsters. I'm Your Greatest Fan.

[Chet:] Les, did you know I'm your biggest fan?

[Les:] Oh, really?

[Chet:] I really am.

[Les (incredulous):] hmmm...

[Chet:] Now you've met fans and you've made friends
Whereever you've unpacked your-
Is it a Gretch guitar, a Gibson, or...?

[Les:] A solid body Gibson Les Paul model gold black-

[Chet (interrupting):] Yeah...
And since I was a little kid
I've loved every thing you did
Because you see I'm the biggest Les Paul fan there are.

[Les:] ...and they've got 'em in cherry and white and black-

[Chet:] I remember that tune you did, "Raunchy." I really loved that one, Les. It's kinda dirty, but I liked it.

[Les:] Yeah, I did that-

[Chet:] And then you did one called "Apache"

[Les:] Nei[ther]-

[Chet:] I loved that one.

[Les:] Yeah, well thanks a lot.

[Chet:] But I think my favorite was, um... "Memphis."

[Les:] Uh, none of those were mine, Chester... Chester? None of those were mine.

[Chet:] Yeah I've listened to you all I can
From childhood to the age of man
Because Les, whatever you may think
I'm your greatest fan.

[Les:] Now, Chester, I think you've got it all wrong. There's nobody that old.

[Chet:] Yeah, Les, I remember when you worked with my brother, with Fred Waring, and I was in diapers.

[Les:] At twelve?

[Chet:] I remember it well!

[Les:] Well, if you were my greatest fan, then you should remember a run like this (plays one note). That was my biggest sell. But Chester, you've made quite a mark in your day, and I used to listen to you on the radio a long, long time ago. And I used to tune in on the crystal set, and I'd listen to some of my favorite songs that you played. Remember "Maria Lana"?
And you had another one that you played that was great, "Rebel Rouser". Do you remember that one, Chet? That was fantastic.
And how about "Carl, Carl;"[?] how about "Guitar Boogy-Woogie"? That was a great number you did.

[Chet:] Les, I didn't do any of those tunes.

[Les:] Believe me, you were right on top of it!
You know I've listened all those days
And I've tried to learn your country ways
Because I am one of your biggest fans, Chet.

[Chet:] Les, if you were my fan, you'd remember licks like this:
And this one: Oh, that's so good, I can't hardly stop playin'.

[Les:] Yeah, well, Chet, Chet, I wouldn't mind if you stopped. And I've got the new medical journal, and they've got a new cure for this now, with a new antibiotic.

[Chet:] Because you see I am your greatest fan.
Don't talk about me, Les. I'm your fan!

[Les:] I'm really touched.

[Chet:] Why don't you get a thumb pick and learn to play that thing right?

[Les:] If I had a thumb pick, I'd dump the CB rig and hike my way back to Jersey.

[Chet:] If you had a thumb pick, you could play with yourself.

[Les:] Now you tell me.

[Chet:] I also like Django Reinhardt, and Lenny Breau, and Mary Tyler Moore.

[Les:] Yeah, I like Horowictz too, and Sparky Lyle.

[Chet:] You're crazy. I don't want to record with you anymore. [Fade out]
[Les:] Just one more album
[Chet:] You hurt me. Saying you know all my tunes. You don't know any of my damn tunes...