Lyrics: Alcoholocaust. Drunk By Noon. Porno Star.

It all started just like this, my girlfriend walked in on my dad takin' a whizz, man - she came back screamin' "hey boy, why isn't yours as big as his?" - now i stand here in a state of shock 'cuz my girlfriend's gonna be daydreamin' about my dad's, well, you know - every time we go to make love, she's gonna be thinkin' about him! -- john holmes, ron jeremy, they fill out their BVD's - they might be bigger than you or me but, they can't hold a candle to my D.A.D. 'cuz -- daddy should'a been a porno star -- there's a twinkle in her eye, it's plain to see, and a void that exists between her and me - ever since the day she saw dad's anatomy - i know the cubic weight of mercury - hell man, i know the capital of china - but now i know i'm not the biggest thing to ever be inside mom's, well, you know! -- says he's got a mean machine and he keeps it hidden in his jeans - no, genetics wasn't fair to me, man, the joke is in my pants you'll see

(Thanks to The B for these lyrics)